I FEEL AMAZING!!!!!!

So I was in the hospital on Saturday night....My rheumatologist instructed me to go to the hospital for 3-4 days to get IV steroids, pain meds, and fluids in order to treat the severe apthous ulcer on the roof of my mouth. It is so large that it nearly covers the entire roof of my mouth! It is by far one of the worst ulcers I have had to date. The pain is unbelievable. Drinking water is limited, as is eating and talking. Even when not doing anything the pain is throbbing and burning.

In the hospital I was given 40mg of intravenous steroids and a bag of fluids, including pain medications to manage the severe pain I was experiencing. I was in the hospital until about 1am. The next morning, Sunday, I started feeling a little better. Although the ulcer is still there, and increasing in size, the pain is somewhat masked. Today I woke up with a severe migraine, a terrible cough, and dry mouth. The dry mouth and cough irritated my ulcer which in turn caused increased pain. I slept the majority of the day so that I didn't have to keep taking pain meds and to escape the pain. I was still very lethargic, exhausted, had a headache, and my throat hurt. However, the past two hours I have been feeling absolutely amazing!!! I am in very little pain, I have tons of energy (thanks to the steroids), and overall just feel what other people feel like when they are not sick. It is great to feel what other people feel. I just wish it happened more often! It is so strange to feel like this because I am used to feelign sick and in pain and fatigued all the time. I look at people on televiion, or just out in the world, wondering what it is like to not feel sick every single day.

I wish I could bottle up this feelin!!! I am so happy to feel this great. I can't get over it! Most people wouldn't understand how big of a deal this is for me. But to put things in perspective, this only happens about once every few months....if that! It is difficult, however, because I know that I coudl accomplish so much if I felt like this more often. I could get my career back and my social life and could become a productive member of society. I want to travel, find a man to spend my life with, do yoga again, start running again, the list is endless. It's quite disheartening to feel this good and knowing that it won't last. I do pray and hope that it will, but I know from numerous past experiences that it hasn't lasted.  I want to scream it from the rooftops: "I FEEL AMAZING!!!"

Times like this give me hope that my body is capable of healing....even if it is from the steroids and is not my own body repairing itself. I pray that my body can be able to heal on its own soon. I have been doing a lot of meditating and deep breathing to get through the pain. It has been working really well. I suggest this to anyone who may be experiencing stress of any sort. Sit in a comfortable position, or lie down. Inhale deeply through your nose with your mouth closed....s l o w l y.....Inhale to the count of ten or however long you can do it for. Then slowly exhale the breath through your mouth. Repeat ths for as long as you need. I often accompany deep breathing techniques with visualization. For example, I choose two colors: one color to symbolize negative energy (black, for instance) and another color to represent positive energy (Pink). Visualize the positive color on the inhale, and the negative color on the exhale. This allows the stress to be released through breathing. This can be a powerful technique that can be utilized in a variety of settings. It doesn't take very long, but the longer you do it the more effective it becomes. Deep breathing allows me to get through pain especially when my pain medications are not working that well. Focusing on one's breath provides a distraction from something negative, such as pain. It also allows you to be present in each moment. We are so caught up in our day to day lives that it is difficult to sit and take a break. But even taking a few minutes throughout the day to do some deep breathing can be extremely beneficial for a variety of reasons. Research this, it will corroborate the message I am trying to send.

I have been staying positive as much as possible. I have had a lot of people recently ask me:"How do you cope with the constant pain and the numerous diffirent medical issues you are facing?
 I respond by stating "I don't have a choice. I actually do have a choice, but by this I mean I chose to deal with it in a positive manner, because negativity will only serve to exacerbate my situation." I feel like it is best to have a plan than to sit and cry about something. That doesn't mean I don't cry. I do. But once I express my feelings I write a plan for whatever issues I am dealing with at the time. This allows me to focus on movoing forward and gives me direction.

As always, thank you for reading. Please leave a COMMENT, or a question. I would love for this blog to become more interactive. I want to hear your stories, your life experiences. How have you overcome challenges and obstacles that you have faced recently? What was it about you that allowed you to persevere? What did you do when you felt negative or thought that your situation would not improve?

Love and light,
Mandi