Chronic Pain...

Living with chronic pain is a constant struggle. There are so many aspects to pain that you would not think about if you aren't dealing with it. For those who experience pain as a short term thing, as something that is transient, consider yourselves lucky! It is a miserable experience....Having said that, I have learned a lot from having to cope with pain on a daily basis for the past 6 years. I have been in pain for 8 years, but the first few years I was not sick every day.

Since a lot of my pain is centered in my mouth and throat, it is difficult if not impossible at times to do some of the most simple things, such as eating, talking, drinking, etc. Some of the things we almost always take for granted. Being a therapist, it is quite challenging to talk all the time while dealing with constant pain that feels like I have strep throat every day. I often have to go to the hospital because I am severely dehydrated due to an inability to drink water. Imagine having strep throat for three people...having open wounds that cover the inside of your mouth....that descend down your throat and esophagus. It feels as though there are thousands of tiny men constantly cutting the indside of my throat with scissors. And trying to eat or drink? Awful. Feels like pouring acid on the open wounds. Yet if you don't drink, you become dehydrated. Necessary evil.

I also have pain in many other areas. Such as joint pain in my ankles, knees, wrists. Muscle pain from fibromyalgia. Pain in my ribs occassionally from costochondritis, which is inflammation in the cartalidge in the ribs. That feels like all your ribs have been crushed. I have recently struggled with pretty severe tendonitis in my achilles tendons, in my right knee, my right thumb/hand, and my left wrist and arm. Tendonitis is an annoying pain to have amongst all the other pain. Migraines, sores on my skin that throb and burn, etc. It is definitely not fun. It seems like every day there is something that hurts. It doesn't feel right.

I was going through the drive thru at Starbucks today, and randomly thought: I wonder what other people feel like when they are healthy? I am sure what I experience as "healthy," or feeling pretty good is still not equivalent to what a "normal" or healthy individual feels when they are not sick or in pain. Unfortunately, one can never truly feel what it is like to be another person. But I often wonder how other people's lives would change if they suddenly had to deal with chronic pain tomorrow. Ask yourself that. What if tomorrow you woke up, and nothing was the same? You just felt sick. And for years and years, it escalated to the point where you could no longer work, you had to move away from where you had built your life, some of your friends disappeared, you are more and more isolated....Imagine you are no longer the "you" that you have worked so hard to be. Every day you are sick, fatigued, can barely walk at times from being so exhausted. The pain is horrible all the time, always there. You are constantly taking pain medications and other prescriptions, all which come with side effects. Your entire life revolves around this disease. You look in the mirror and no longer recognize the person staring back. That is what my experiences have been like with chronic pain. Of course, there is more to it, but it's difficult to explain it in a way in which another can understand what their life would be like if they had chronic pain as a part of their daily life.

Just like everything, chronic pain affects everyone differently. As difficult of a journey as it is, and as much as I would not wish this on anyone....I can say that I have a choice in terms of how I view my experiences in this world. I can choose to stay negative, and to feel like nothing in life will ever be worth living. Or I can choose to say yes, this is a difficult journey. Yes, it is a constant struggle. But I will remain positive at the core. I will not take things for granted. I will appreciate those who play supportive roles in my life. I will enjoy everything that I can, because let's face it. There is ALWAYS someone worse off than you are. I try and remind myself that whenever I have a really tough day. There is someone in this world who is suffering more than I am, someone who has lost someone they care about, someone who is more ill than I am. Someone dying. I know that's not fun to think about, but it reminds me of how lucky I am to be here. And it allows me to take a positive stance and reach out to those who may be suffering as well. I want to be able to use my experiences to connect with other people and to create a voice for those who feel unheard. I have said before that being in chronic pain is bad enough, but then to feel this pain and also feel unheard is even worse. Take a moment and be thankful for what you do have. And if you are lucky enough to have a life without chronic pain, take advantage of those little things that you may not be able to do if you were in pain.