Dating with Behcet's

I have spent some time writing about the many difficulties that come with living with a chronic illness and chronic pain. There are obviously physical challenges, psychological/emotional challenges, and difficulty with interpersonal relationships. Especially dating. It is extremely difficult to date while simultaneously coping with a severe and chronic illness.

I struggle the most with when to tell a man that I have this disease. I have tried it both ways, and it always seems to fail. I never used to have problems getting a boyfriend. From high school through graduate school, I was always in a relationship. Now that I am ill, it creates problems with dating that other people don't have to deal with. When I tell people up front that I have a rare autoimmune disease that prevents me from working right now, but that I am currently working on finding an effective treatment to put me into remission, guys get freaked out. I don't tell them what disease I have, nor do I make it sound horrible. I don't act like I need attention or someone to take care of me. I portray my situation in the most positive light possible. Don't get me wrong, I am sure hearing that kind of information early on is extremely overwhelming for the other person. But what else am I supposed to say? I don't like to lie. When someone asks me "How was work today?" I don't want to lie and say it was fine. I tell them I am taking some time off after getting my doctorate and am working on writing a book, which is the truth. People are curious and tend to ask a lot of questions about my disease. I typically respond by saying we can discuss more about it when we get to know one another better, but I just wanted to be honest about my situation. I have had men say they don't care, but then later on they end up saying it's too much for them to handle.

I don't know how to handle this anymore. I just want to find someone who will love me for me and who can accept the illness as just a small part of my identity and that it does not define me entirely. I am so sick of being treated like some sort of "freak." It is difficult when people fail to look at me as a whole person. Most of the time I feel like some sort of freak, mainly because of the weight I have gained from steroids. The way I look currently is not the way I normally look and unfortunately people cannot look beyond my looks. It makes me feel like I am unlovable and that I will never find a man who can love me and support and accept me. Everyone deserves to be loved. And I am not exception. I want to get married and start a family. I truly hope that in the near future I can find a man who will be just what I need, someone who complements me as a person and and someone who will allow me to share my love with him.

If anyone has any tips on how I can make this dating process run more smoothly, please do not hesitate to let me know!

As always,thanks for reading!