Dealing with others

Everything in life is a process. It is an ongoing journey that moves forward. Part of the process in dealing with a chronic illness is social interaction and relationships. Our relationships with family members, significant others, friends, etc. change as a result of our illnesses. Some people feel they can't do anything to help us, so they do nothing. They drift away. Others stay and do whatever they can. There are also those people who don't believe that we are sick all the time, they think we are faking it. They don't understand nor do they try to. There are many different types of reactions that people have to our illness. It doesn't just affect us, it affects those around us. For example, I know I have to cancel plans when I am unable to leave the house because I am so sick. This is hard for others to accept (not all people, but some). I don't want to cancel plans. Trust me, I would much rather be hanging out with friends or family than lying alone in bed sick. But people often attribute it to me being flaky. Which is untrue. There is a social psychology construct that refers to this very idea. Let's say that someone does something negative or performs poorly on something. That person is more likely to attribute the reason to something other than themselves. However, when something good happens, they attribute it to their own internal characteristics.

I have had some difficulties with interpersonal relationships. Friends and family do the best they can, but sometimes we (us individuals with chronic illnesses) need more than the average person. I have come across people who don't want to hear me "complain." Yet they can complain for hours about the cold they have. I am not trying to say that anyone who isn't feeling well isn't allowed to complain about it. But I am saying that it's not fair to tell me that I am complaining too much when I'm sick. I happen to be sick all the time. This is my life. My entire life for now and the past five or more years has been centered around this illness and trying to achieve remission. Others don't understand. They don't get how it's difficult for me to leave the house because I feel fat and ugly and utterly disgusting because of the severe weight gain from steroid medications. They don't know what it's like to look in the mirror and not recognize the reflection staring back. My entire body is unrecognizable.

I just wish people would take more time to try to understand what it is like to have to worry about your health every minute of every day. To fear what may come next. To know that one minute things could be relatively okay, and then five minutes later things change drastically and I am being rushed to the hospital. That's how quickly things can change. Behcet's Disease is especially unpredictable. To prove this point, the other night I was okay. Sure I was having some symptoms from the medication, but it was manageable. Within hours, the pain and the bleeding were severe enough to warrant a trip to the ER. If you are dealing with an illness, how have your relationships wtih others changed? What do you wish that others would do for you?

Hang in there, everyone. Let's stick together. At least we can support each other and we know what one antoher is going through. Please leave a comment stating what kinds of difficultie you have dealt with with any relationships in your life. Thanks!